Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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