Don't make out with my wife yet
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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