just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
