I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
