I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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