Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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