I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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