so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
