Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
