Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
