he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
