your thong is hanging out like whoa
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize