Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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