I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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