So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Congratulations! We have a period
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
