moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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