Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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