She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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