I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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