I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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