I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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