sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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