Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
then he tried to convert me to islam
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
