I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How does one acquire holy water?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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