he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
