which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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