I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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