i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
