My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I could have mohawked her pubes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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