I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
