last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
