8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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