i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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