so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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