Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
