a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
