i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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