Dual....:-)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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