I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
