what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
