Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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