We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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