I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
