Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
