You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
