You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
