His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
