He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize