Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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