Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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