i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
