yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
