Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
