How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
