Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
