just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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