At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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