Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
