Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
