Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
