a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize