just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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