You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
