I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
