There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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