I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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