also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize