The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
sex in a hospital.. check
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
